For example, my parents often write on my birthday cards that they can't believe the 'mature' daughter they have... but only because they don't see or hear me dancing in front of my mirror to Swagger Jagger for hours on end.
Rather like Jennifer Garner in Suddenly 30, I sometimes wish I could wake up a fully grown, intelligent, successful woman and skip the embarrassing part where you open your mouth and everyone finds out you're actually still an infant in heels.
What makes you mature? Does it mean you have to know how to do taxes? Which wines are best with which meals? Be able to read a map? Own shares and read the Fin Review on Sundays over a pair of glasses and cup of coffee without milk?
For some clarification, I've looked it up. According to the online Free Dictionary -
a. having reached full or natural growth or development
b. having reached desired or final condition; ripe
c. Of, relating to, or characteristic of full development, either mental or physical
d. Suitable or intended for adults
e. Composed of adults
I tick some boxes here... I am fully developed, though slightly underwhelming in the chest region, they ain't gettin' bigger so I've accepted that I have 'ripened', as it were.
I am a legal adult and have been for a whole two years now. I am legally, equal to that of my parents. But my question is, should I be? Probably not. And here's 10 reasons why.
1. I cannot, and have never been able to, open a childproof medicine lid. Those things might as well have a safe code and eye scanner.
2. I am useless at directions. No I can't remember where I parked the car, and I can only remember which way west is if I can see the sun, know the time of day and say "Never Eat Soggy Weetbix" in my head.
3. Those who know me well will know I can't add up two digit numbers, and anything more advanced than that makes me feel physically ill. When I get the pitying look, I like to tell people I missed out a term of Grade 3 where they were covering these things. This is true, but I also finished another 9 years of school and still never learnt. Also, I just counted my way, on my fingers, from grade 4 to grade 12 to get 9. Go figure.
4. I just had to re-check my maths. 9 is correct. Alllllriiiight.
5. I still call everyone's parents "Mrs and Mr" and can't bring myself to "call me Kathy, darl".
6. I know nothing of wine. All I know is that white wine makes me feel like shooting myself in the face after about 4 glasses, and red wine puts me in a coma after 1. Both prevent clear speech and encourage unsavoury thoughts. I drink wine though, because this allows me to pretend I am mature...
7. I don't cook. I hate it, I am bad at it and I don't have to yet. When I do have to, I won't. Any single, 20-something chefs, apply within.
8. Everything ever has sexual innuendo. Proof of my immaturity came in a radio production lecture in Leeds, when the lecturer was explaining the second assessment... "a long, hard package". Immediately falling into fits of silent laughter, I looked to my neighbour and gave them a "THAT was sexual innuendo!" look, only to realise nobody else was laughing. Not even a murmur. I didn't make any friends that day.
9. There is a never-ending global financial crisis in my wallet due to lack of job. I've never any time to job search due to excessive Facebook, Twitter and having coffee with everyone I've ever known.
10. I always have to ask if it's union or league, forget my pin number when drunk, and have never known what faux pas means.
They say maturity doesn't always come with age. Which has me worried... maybe I'll never be able to open a childproof medicine bottle? Will I always crack a smile when someone yells, "I'm coming?" At least I'm resigned to the fact I will never learn to add up.
If you, like me, are concerned you're still a 15 year old trapped in your fully developed body, speak up now.
Because when I read definition 'e; composed of adults', the first thing that came to mind was, orgy.